Different Day, Same Crap!

I love my husband dearly but he is driving me crazy!  Granted it is a short trip that I do not need help in making!  I live in the state of Confusion surrounded by the murky waters of the Sea of Agitation! He  never listens to me and then wonders why I am irritated and agitated. Am I being too picky, too sensitive?  Yes probably on some levels. I just want to be listened to sometimes. Honey you are so good to me in so many ways. I really hate when I am being snarky. I am the mayor of  Snarkberg, the little village that is quickly building and thriving on the shores of the Sea of Agitation! I think I will plan out my little world and maybe that will keep me occupied enough not to take things out on you!

So my little world is born! The little hamlet of  Snarkberg has it's beginnings on the banks of Agitation Sea, in the county of Irritation, in the state of Confusion.  What other little villages may spring up? What new states? What shall be the name of this new developing world. This world born of my emotional states and feelings? I feel a bit like Frankenstein at the moment.  "It's Alive!!!"  Something has taken root in my disturbed rambling imagination. And honey, it's all  for you and your welfare. It may save your hide!  I say that lovingly of course.  Chaos,... Shall that be the name of our  founding country? Or the name of the world we have created. Yes, I think world. We seem to be surviving in some sort of swirling, rotating mass of chaos, so that fits. I now claim all rights and ownership to the World and Concept of PLANET CHAOS!!!! I reserve all rights and ownership of any and all territories, life forms, and or properties in relationship, connection with, or ideas spawned by the birth of this World and beyond!  HA!  I AM RULER AND MATRIARCH!  It has begun with this!  

OK, tired, tired, tired.  I am so frustrated with being expected to run YOU! where ever YOU! think YOU! need to go.  I! know I! sound selfish but too bad. I! am on disability and I! do not like it. But I! have had to file and use disability for a reason. After one  car wreck too many (source for another blog posting), I! can no longer stay on my feet for any length of time or sit in any position for too long. My back, neck, and shoulder were damaged and I! am on pain meds and muscle relaxants.  I! also have degenerative disc disease, arthritis, fibromyalgia  and some other disease  that is narrowing the openings in my vertebrae causing pressure on the nerves coming out of those openings. I! am in a considerable amount of pain that fluctuates from day to day depending what I! have done. I! am not available to jump and run just because YOU! thinks I! should hall YOU! somewhere or do what YOU! want. YOU! think MY! time should be used to take YOU! because I! am home and doing nothing and MY! car is sitting there going nowhere.

I! have a right to take care of myself  and owe YOU! nothing! I! have the right to say no, and I! don't care how mad it makes YOU!. MY! day does not revolve around whether I! will hurt YOUR! feelings because I! said no about running YOU! to look for another job. I! didn't cause YOU! to lose YOUR! last job. YOU! chose not to go to work. Again! YOU! Chose to buy and car, not insure it and then drive all over town. YOU! chose to not go get license plates for it. YOU! got pulled over for that. YOU! got the car impounded and taken away and got issued several tickets and had to go to court. YOU! did that more than once. Next to the word stupid in the dictionary, there should be a picture of YOU!. YOU! have to live with the consequences of  YOUR! choices.  I! didn't earn 10 days in jail for YOU!. I! didn't take YOUR! driver's license away from YOU! for 5 years. This very outcome was exactly what I! told YOU! would happen. I! didn't tell YOU! to keep having more children. YOU! chose to keep having them and now THEY! suffer for YOUR! choices. I! did not complicate YOUR! life, YOU! did.

I! am going to take care of myself. I! am not going to let YOU! make ME! feel guilty or bad for MY! choices. I! have worked hard all my adult life. I! have raised my children. And the children I! gave birth to and had control over from day one, are good, decent, hard working adults. I! will not be held hostage by YOUR! poor choices. I! am not the selfish one. YOU! are the selfish one.

YOU! now need to live with the consequences of  YOUR! choices.

Inconsistancy is My Middle Name

So!  I decide I am going to start blogging and then it slips my mind! Ha! What  mind?! There in lies the rub. I also am very self conscience my about my spelling and I should be. Writing is about expressing yourself and getting things out. It's about being creative and doing something fun. So if anyone is going to read my blog, I guess I should let you know if it is with the intention of being my personal spell checker, don't bother! I just want a place to express myself and some ideas I have. Also I worry about grammar. It's not like I am going to get paid for writing so why do I worry so much!!!

This is something I want to do for myself so I am going to do it. While I definitely welcome feedback and input from anyone who would like to supply that, and please I do welcome it, if you are strictly being judgmental, dot bother to leave anything. I do also welcome valid criticism. I would love experienced critiques of anything I write because improving my skills are also a goal of writing this.

I am sure this will be so boring that it would be very surprising to have anyone want to follow it. Anyone is welcome. I would imagine my thoughts will be rambling and disjointed and hard to follow.  Learning to write freely may help this and may help me to organize my thoughts  and set them to print in a more understandable way .  Who knows!  And who knows what I will write about. I have a few stories bouncing off the walls of my dented skull. And the would be fun to write and explore these story ideas and flesh them out to see where they go.

So! Enough for now and let the games begin!!!!!!!!!