Fear of Writing or Fear of Spelling?

WOW!!!! I have wanted to do this for a long time. I am very excited about this, starting this blog I mean. I have at many times in my life put pen to paper in an attempt to express anything, EVERYTHING! I could never start. Always this feeling of what is right and what is wrong haunting me tormenting me and telling me I was incapable and don't bother, it has eaten away at my desire to write, but no more. It has to be perfect. I have to be grammatically correct, not to mention spelling. This writing monster, those are some of the things he uses to control and paralyze me. No one did this to me but myself , I have always been my own worst most difficult critic. With a father that was an English major, I felt that I must spell everything correctly! Punctuate it correctly! The whole ball of wax. Not that he was a tyrant and roared with disapproval because we had messed up and did not meet his standards. No. Not in the least. We were quietly told to go get the dictionary and check our spelling. Then would come my protest of how can I look it up if I can't spell it? So then we were given the first three letters of the word and told to try again. So what do you do if spelling is the one thing you are the absolute worst at in your life? To start with, when you are old enough to buy dictionaries, you do! And soon you own more dictionaries than any other sane person on the planet. You also develop other coping skills. You think of words you can slip in that convey the same meaning. You reword entire sections if need be to accomplish this. Adapting in other ways helps make you develop other skills actually. I am not quite so phobic about it as I used to be. Yes, PHOBIC!!! It's my blog I will write the way I want. Back on subject now, phobic is not an understatement. I literally will not write something if I can help it and will get out of it anyway I can because of my feeling about misspellings things. I however have lightened up on it tremendously when I realized my brother, (Love you Larry!) who has more degrees than all of my family put together, spells worse than I do!!! My father had a masters and bachelors degrees to begin with. Who knows what other degrees he had, I am not quite sure. The other brother I don't know how many he has or what they are all in. I just know he has at least one from University of Arkansas. (Go Razorbacks!) To get back to Larry, he has degrees from Purdue University in Indiana and MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology). In what areas, once again not quite sure. I do know they have to do within the field of inginering and nuclear power development and design. Maybe my next blog will be on that subject. what degrees does everyone hold? He spent a lot of years going to school and learning and working very hard. He is worse a spelling than I am! Ha! Sorry I know I already said that but I thunk it is funny? Just hilarious. So I don't feel so bad about not being able to spell. Thank you big brother! :-)I had a professor tell me spelling actually comes from a different section of your brain and it isn't a matter of being lazy or anything like that when it comes to trying to spell. So what has this entire blog been about??? I DON'T KNOW! I don't care! I am actually writing after all these years of wanting to. No organization, no outline, no concept. None of the things you are supposed to pay attention to and do when you write, maybe this is my starting point to beginning to write.My getting my feet wet so to speak. It doesn't have to impress anyone else. It is just for me. And I am so excited about this. And THAT is enough for now! My bemused and simple life calls at present, bye bye!